The past year and a half

Like I said in my last post, this blog is just for me. Jude and I got back together in January of 2010. She was the love of my life, even though things were fucked up between us. She is a chronic liar. Not that she would ever admit to it, and she doesn't even know that I know. But she is. I know she cheated on me a bunch. The other guy, her ex, who is on my softball team and is friends with my group of friends admitted it. I more than suspected it. I knew, but wouldn't admit it to myself, and wouldn't come to terms with it. I asked her about it over Spring Break and she said nothing happened. I didn't completely believe her and I was right to not believe her. She did. We finally broke up for good in April. She admitted that she is polyamorous and wanted to be able to date another person. At first, I was ok with this. I was worried about losing her and I thought I was pushing her away by getting too serious. I suspected she had someone in mind, her friend who was in town with her at school. It turns out I was right. I decided I couldn't deal with all the crap. I wanted a serious commitment, and she didn't want to commit. We broke up. She's currently dating the guy. We have kept in touch, but have obviously pulled apart. She messaged me on facebook, explaining how she's been depressed since we broke up, and has spiraled downwards. Then she said that she is going to try and be monogamous with her new guy, that she didn't want to let what happened with us, happen to her again. I don't know if this is a win or loss for me. First off, I have been fairly happy since we broke up. The relationship we were in was bringing me down, and I needed to get away from it. But, I can't help but feel a bit good about myself, that I know she knows the good thing that she screwed up. I gave her chances for two whole years to commit to me. I don't think I was asking for too much and I think I gave her more than enough time to decide. But, on the other hand, she decided that this other guy was worth committing to. That's how I see it. Of course it's possible that our breakup did have something to do with this, but why couldn't she decide this with me while we were breaking up. It's tough to see the full story from my angle. But anyway, I've been doing my best to meet girls, going on dates, etc. Really enjoying single life for the first time in years.