That's a lot to comprehend.
A group of 4 of us went to a speech tournament alone. There were 3 girls and me. We had one hotel room. I ended up sharing a bed with a girl on the team. We'll call her Jude. Jude and I had the most amazing conversation until at least 4 in the morning. We shared some of our deepest secrets and connected on the most fundamental level I've ever connected with someone. Of course, we had a tournament the next day and we had to be up at 7 in the morning.
We suffered through the tournament, and headed back home. We shared the backseat and texted each other so that our teammates wouldn't hear our conversation. To make a long story short, we admitted feelings for each other and held hands surreptitiously for the majority of the car ride.
The next day, March 1st, we made out for the first time and more. In a few weeks, we had had sex and had admitted that we loved each other.
The following summer was simply wonderful and bittersweet. We spent most of our free time together, falling even deeper in love and sharing even deeper secrets. It was just natural that we knew what each other was thinking and understood each other perfectly and completely.
Oh, the bittersweet part you ask? She was already dating someone. I knew about him from the start, he never knew about me. I don't know why this happened again, but once again, I couldn't help it. I really loved this girl and connected with her on a level even deeper than the Greek. I make no claims about being a good guy, but I don't really think I'm a bad guy. She constantly complained about him, constantly had fights with him, met his racist, misogynistic dad and admitted that he would turn out to be the same. But she still didn't want to break up with him for a myriad of reasons.
I put up with it. I put up with it all because I simply couldn't see myself without her, and I thought that anything would be worth staying with her. I always had hope that that would end and I would have her all to myself.
So, when she went away to college 6 hours from me, and a half hour from him, I stuck with it. I visited over labor day a couple of weeks later. Those 2 weeks felt like the longest of my life. But visiting her for a long weekend was amazing. One of the best weekends ever. And the first night, we got unofficially engaged. I'll spare you the details, but we both agreed that we wanted to.
The next couple of months could have been better. Long distance relationships are hard, and infinitely more when she is dating someone who she has proximity to. We visited each other a couple of times since Labor Day, we've constantly kept in text, skyped when we could and called when we could, but it wasn't enough. Weeks would go by without a phone call from her because she doesn't like to talk over the phone. She has trouble understanding people over the phone, which I understand. But for a long distance relationship to thrive, you need to talk over the phone. You need to hear the other person's voice and take comfort in it. Texting only does so much.
Anyway, by this past thanksgiving break, it was just too much, and we decided to take a break for 3 weeks until she gets back for winter break. I'm supposed to take the train downstate and then drive back the 6 hours with her. Either way, we're still trying to be good friends, because we still get each other like no one else. It hurts like hell, but she is someone who needs to be in my life. I can still see it working out some day in the future-but more on that later.
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This is why I suck at being single. Just when I swear off girls, I have the most intimate relationship of my life and get (informally engaged). It's really hard to write a blog about being single if I'm never single.
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